The Two (Man and Dog) — Some Stories Squared

I started this piece a few days ago, it might have been a day off, or J. was home on sick leave, he had just washed his hair and was curled up on the sofa hugging the Dogster. Those two spend a massive amount of time cuddling. Sometimes I almost feel jealous. Watching them, I often oscillate between tenderness, warmth, and affection (who wouldn’t feel that watching those guys breathing in perfect sync), and irritation: why are you two snuggling and being so peaceful and relaxed while I’m working. When I sense the irritation I usually think how that’s a pretty dumb way to feel. It’s not like the two of them not sleeping and not being sweet would help me get through my work faster.

For some reason, J. falling asleep often terrifies me. It’s hard to explain. I am totally fine being alone when I’m physically alone in the room, but somehow being in the room together with J. when he’s sleeping (unavailable) makes me feel dreadfully insecure, anxious and lonely and all of my self-sufficiency melts away leaving me feeling helpless and scared in a three-year-old kind of way. How can one even have such strong feelings about one’s boyfriend being asleep? And how can watching your two loved ones sleep cuddle in the sweetest way possible ever at all feel annoying?

That day though, watching them curled up together was warm and tender. And seeing J.’s head on the Dogster’s hip, like a pillow, looked like a whole new level of trust between the man and his dog. And J.’s hair streaming down, that was magic.